How to kill your fanfiction
by JM1911A1
Summary: A brief show of the very classic flaws of fanfiction. Inspired by Momodesu's 'How to kill your fanfiction' drawing on dA. Flames allowed, as always they will be ignored. R


Thanks to Momodesu for her 'How to kill your fanfiction' drawing. Thank you SO much!

* * *

Once upon a time, in a mystical _magical_ world called FanFic—I mean Konoha, there walked two boys.

One of the boys had dark black hair that stuck up like a chickens butt. The other had bright yellow hair that spiked up around his very empty head.

The dark haired boy had black eyes, which sometimes changed into these red eyes with little black swirly things in it. (AN: Wow! That was _great_ English! Good Guy Pose.) The blonde idiot had blue eyes that changed into red catty-like eyes whenever he was angry.

The dark haired boy's name was Uchiha Sasuke, while the idiots name was Uzamaki Naruto.

Back to the story, both these boys were walking along the gold paved streets of Springfield. Sasuke looked at Naruto. Naruto looked at Sasuke.

The same classic thought echoed through their heads: '_Well he is pretty cute/hot/sexy…_'

Now for the even more classic line: '_Wait a minute; I did not just think that!_'

Since the classic beginnings of a very sucky FanFiction has begun, we can skip ahead to the bit where the two decided to come out of the closet, have a 'heart to heart' where both say how they feel for the other, followed by explaining to the women of the town, ending in the two skipping out of the town hand in hand followed by a crowd of pissed women.

* * *

Once upon a time in the deep dark, evil forest surrounding the mystical _magical_ land of Konoha, there was a girly-looking-boy and a boyish-acting-sometimes-ditzy-girl.

The boy, lets face it, looks like a girl. He has long dark hair, and white eyes. (AN: Neji! I am so sorry! Cries to self you can ignore me!) The girl was a weapons crazed dark haired girl, who had her hair in buns and sometimes followed people around in a barrel.

The boy was none other than Hyuuga Neji (AN: Shuddup, the name has a like cappy thing on the u so it sounds more uu than just u, so I'm using the uu version… I love my English!) And the girl was no-last-named-and-most-under-developed-character Tenten.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?" Neji asked, feeling awkward.

"Well, following the picture I now need to say: '_Oh, Neji-kun, I am the girl for you I am helplessly in love with you_'" Tenten replied, pulling a classic girly pose.

Blushing (AN: Snort) Neji replied, "And following what I've found of other fanfictions, I now need to reply with: '_Oh, Tenten-chan, the only reason I've been so cruel to you is because I am also deeply in love with you Let's run off together and breed little Neji's and Tenten's!_' And yes I need an exclamation point in there."

"Ok, so following this crappy script we go out together, have a moment of lime, then I become pregnant, while you get killed while I'm giving birth on an ANBU mission? Right?" Tenten said, skim-reading the rest of the script.

Frowning, Neji snapped, "Well. That's just stupid. One: We are 14. Two: As if _I_ would be killed. Three: As if you'd actually agree to kids!"

"True." Tenten replied, ripping her script in half.

Neji blasted his apart with his super-cool chakra work, before asking, "Want to train?"

"Sure!"

And so we leave the new 'couple' attempting to murder the other in the forest. The camera zooms out through tress, does a landscape view of the forest, before turning to the sky. And out.

* * *

One bright sunny day, upon which two teens were attempting to kill each other, and another two teen boys were kissing in a tree, a tall grey haired man stood before a rock.

_Magically_ a woman just appeared from no where beside him.

"'_Kakashi-san, I will fix all of your problems for you! I will revive Obito with my magical Mary-Sue powers, I am perfect, fall in love with me, Kakashi-san!_'" The newly invented Mary-Sue (AN: Wow! First ever Mary-Sue, and it's a parody!) said, smiling perfectly (AN: _magical_-ly).

Kakashi himself just sweat dropped.

Turning away, the grey haired man noticed the _magical_ Mary-Sue had yet to leave.

"Um, I don't need you around. I have suddenly decided to become gay and love Iruka. We will then adopt Naruto as our own son and raise the boy to make the Uchiha boy an uke. Okay?" Kakashi said, looking both disturbed and freaked out.

The Mary-Sue then frowned. "Okay then! Laters!" she said, before disappearing once more.

"Thank god!" Kakashi sighed, turning back to his Icha Icha book.

* * *

Also occurring in the mystical, _magical_ land of Konoha, Shikamaru entered his house.

"Mum? Why are there two boys sitting on our couch that look like me?" Shikamaru asked, staring at the two boys. Frowning he then shouted out again, "Don't worry mum, I just figured out these must be some of those long lost siblings I supposedly have."

The two 'siblings' looked slightly confused.

Shikamaru sighed before walking up the stairs, "Tell me when dinners ready!"

(AN: Well… He took it well. O.O)

* * *

Once upon a time in a totally different mystical _magical_ land, called Suna, Lee and Gaara were walking along the street.

Sand swept up and poked Lee in the back of the head.

"OW! Gaara! Stop it!" Lee cried, being attacked by more sand pokes.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes!"

"No."

"Why are you being like this?" Lee cried, being hit about by sand fists by now.

"'_Shut up! I'm only being like this because I love you… Ooops._'" Gaara replied, continuing to on slaughter Lee with sand attacks.

"Fine then." Lee replied, continuing the walk, ignoring the sand poking his bruised body.

"Good then." Gaara added, walking beside the older boy.

And both walked off into the sunset, sand bashing up the dark haired one, while the other boy smirked.

* * *

AN: And that is the end of my dear story! Thank you very much to Momodesu

like the word _magical_!


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